As September settles over Calgary, the shift is hard to miss. Kids are back in school, the Stampede grounds have been quiet for weeks, and the easy rhythm of summer evenings has given way to full calendars and earlier alarms. For a lot of men, this is also when something they’d been managing quietly through the summer becomes harder to ignore. It’s not always sadness, at times it’s a short fuse, a flatness that wasn’t there before, or a nagging sense of just going through the motions.
Depression in men is common and often missed, sometimes by the men experiencing it, and sometimes by the people closest to them. Part of the reason is that depression doesn’t always look the way it’s usually described. If you’ve been feeling more irritable than sad, more numb than tearful, or more prone to losing your temper than talking about what’s wrong, you’re not imagining that something is off, and you’re not alone in it.
Why Depression in Men Is Often Missed
Much of what we think of as the “typical” picture of depression, low mood, tearfulness, openly expressed sadness, is incomplete when it comes to men. Men more frequently express depression through irritability, anger, and behaviour rather than through visible sadness, and standard screening approaches might not pick that up.
The gap shows up starkly in Canadian data. According to the Canadian Institutes of Health Research, men account for roughly four out of five deaths by suicide in Canada, even though depression is diagnosed in men at lower rates than in women. Statistics Canada’s 2022 Mental Health and Access to Care Survey similarly found that women are more likely both to be affected by mood and anxiety disorders and to receive care for them, compared with men. Taken together, this pattern suggests depression in men isn’t necessarily less common, rather it’s more likely to go undetected and untreated.
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A note on the numbers above: if reading about suicide statistics brings up anything difficult for you personally, Canada’s Suicide Crisis Helpline is available anytime by calling or texting 988. |
The Symptoms of Depression That Men More Commonly Experience
Depression can still involve sadness, hopelessness, or tearfulness in men, and some men do experience it that way. But research consistently points to a cluster of symptoms that show up more often, or more prominently, in men, and that rarely get labelled as depression by the men living with them.
Irritability and Anger
A man who’s normally even-tempered can become quick to snap, critical, or prone to outbursts that seem out of proportion to what triggered them. Clinical research backs this up: one study comparing depressive episodes found that men reported significantly more irritability and more frequent anger attacks than women, along with lower impulse control. Anger is also, for many men, a more culturally acceptable emotion to display than sadness or fear, which means it can become the default outlet even when the underlying feeling is something closer to hurt or hopelessness.
Withdrawal and Emotional Numbness
Pulling back from friends, hobbies, and activities that used to matter is another common pattern. Rather than describing themselves as sad, men experiencing this kind of depression more often describe feeling flat, disconnected, or like they’re on autopilot. Depression in men can also show up physically rather than emotionally, as persistent headaches, digestive complaints, chronic pain, or fatigue that doesn’t have an obvious cause. Researchers at UBC’s Department of Psychiatry have noted that men frequently describe these physical symptoms without connecting them to their mental health at all, which is part of why the underlying depression stays hidden.
Increased Substance Use
Alcohol or drugs used to numb out, unwind, or simply get through the evening can function as a form of self-medication for depression that hasn’t been named or addressed. The College of Family Physicians of Canada identifies substance use as one of the “escaping behaviours” commonly seen in male depression, alongside other patterns that serve a similar purpose: keeping the underlying feeling at a manageable distance.
Overworking and Excessive Risk-Taking
Throwing yourself into work to the point of burnout or taking on more physical or financial risk than usual, reckless driving, impulsive spending, overcommitting at the gym or on the ice, can be a way of generating intensity or control when other things feel flat or out of reach. For many men, professional performance and provider identity are closely tied to self-worth, which can make overworking feel less like a symptom and more like simply doing what’s expected.
How Depression Affects Relationships
Irritability, withdrawal, and emotional numbness rarely stay contained to one part of life. A short temper at home, less patience with kids, less interest in a partner’s day, or simply being present but checked out, are patterns which put real strain on relationships over time, even when nothing is technically “wrong.” Partners often notice the change before the man himself does, and can be left interpreting withdrawal as disinterest or irritability as a character shift, rather than recognising it as depression.
The same patterns tend to show up at work and in physical health. Concentration and follow-through can suffer, and the chronic stress that often accompanies untreated depression is linked to disrupted sleep and general physical strain over time. If some of this is sounding familiar alongside a sense of being simply worn down rather than low, it’s worth reading our piece on burnout in men, since the two share real overlap and the distinction matters for how they’re treated.
Why Men Are Less Likely to Seek Help
Beyond the diagnostic gap, cultural and social factors play a significant role in whether men reach out. Many of us were raised with the message, directly or indirectly, that self-reliance is a strength and that struggling openly is a liability. In professional and competitive settings, that message is often reinforced rather than challenged. The result is a pattern where discomfort gets minimized or explained away, by the man himself and by the people around him, until it becomes hard to ignore.
There’s also a more basic barrier: many men don’t recognise what they’re experiencing as depression in the first place, because it doesn’t match the textbook description of persistent sadness. Irritability gets chalked up to a stressful week. Withdrawal gets explained as being tired or busy. Without a name for the pattern, there’s often nothing to prompt seeking help. We’ve written more about this dynamic, and what tends to shift it, in Men’s Mental Health: Why Do So Many Men Struggle in Silence?
What Effective Treatment for Male Depression Looks Like
Effective treatment for depression in men doesn’t require sitting down and narrating your feelings in detail, though that can be part of it for those who want it. What matters most is a structured, evidence-based approach tailored to how depression is showing up for you.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) helps identify the specific thought patterns and behaviours that maintains the depression, like avoidance, overworking, or all-or-nothing thinking. Once the patterns are identified, practical and helpful changes can be implemented.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) focuses less on analysing feelings and more on clarifying what matters to you (as a partner, father, or professional) and taking concrete action aligned with those values, even while difficult feelings are present. Many men find this values-first framing more workable than approaches that centre entirely on emotional processing.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is particularly relevant where depression is connected to earlier unresolved stress, loss, or trauma. It’s a structured, evidence-based approach that doesn’t require extensive talking through painful memories in detail, which can make it a good fit for men who are hesitant about traditional talk therapy. You can read more about how it works in our earlier piece, Understanding EMDR Therapy: What It Is and Who It Helps.
At Highwood Psychology, individual therapy for men in Calgary draws on these approaches, along with somatic and nervous-system-informed strategies, tailored to your specific symptoms and goals rather than a one-size-fits-all protocol. Sessions are available in person in Calgary or virtually across Alberta.
When Is Professional Help Recommended
It’s worth reaching out to a Registered Psychologist when irritability, numbness, withdrawal, or overworking have become your baseline rather than an occasional rough patch, when physical symptoms like disrupted sleep or persistent fatigue aren’t resolving on their own, or when the people closest to you have mentioned a change you’ve been reluctant to look at directly. It’s also worth reaching out simply because you’re not sure whether what is going on and you would like a professional to help you understand your symptoms. Support from a Registered Psychologist can provide clarity to what’s going on and helpful approaches for lasting change.
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If you or someone you know is in crisis or having thoughts of suicide, support is available immediately by calling or texting 988, Canada’s Suicide Crisis Helpline, at any hour. |
Frequently Asked Questions
What are the most common signs of depression in men?
Depression in men often shows up as irritability, anger, withdrawal from friends and hobbies, emotional numbness, increased use of alcohol or substances, and overworking or risk-taking. Men can also experience symptoms such as sadness and crying.
Why is depression in men underdiagnosed?
Standard depression criteria were shaped largely around how the condition presents in women. Combined with cultural pressure on men to manage struggles quietly and “be strong”, this means male-typical symptoms like anger and withdrawal are frequently missed by both the men experiencing them and the people around them.
Is depression in men the same as burnout?
The two overlap significantly and can occur together, but they aren’t the same. Burnout tends to be tied to a specific context, usually work or role-related demands, while depression can occur independently of external circumstances. Our burnout in men article goes into this distinction in more detail.
Can therapy help if I don’t feel sad, just irritable or checked out?
Yes. Effective treatment for men doesn’t depend on identifying sadness as the primary feeling. Approaches like CBT, ACT, and EMDR can help address your symptoms of depression, including anger, numbness, or physical symptoms.
Is virtual therapy available for men outside Calgary?
Yes. Highwood Psychology offers virtual therapy across Alberta in addition to in-person sessions in Calgary, so location isn’t a barrier to getting support.
How do I know if what I’m experiencing needs professional support?
If irritability, withdrawal, numbness, or overworking have become a consistent pattern rather than an occasional bad stretch, or if physical symptoms and relationship strain aren’t improving on their own, a proper assessment can offer clarity and a structured path forward.
If any of this resonates, whether it’s the irritability, the withdrawal, or just a sense that something’s been off since summer ended, reaching out for a free 15-minute inquiry call is a straightforward next step. There’s no pressure to commit to anything; it’s simply a chance to talk it through and see what might help.
Schedule Your Free Inquiry Call
Derek Van Dalen, Registered Psychologist, is the founder of Highwood Psychology in Calgary, registered with the College of Alberta Psychologists (CAP). He provides evidence-based therapy for adults and couples, with a particular focus on men’s mental health, using approaches including CBT, ACT, and EMDR. Derek works with clients in person in Calgary and virtually across Alberta.
Sources Referenced
- Canadian Institutes of Health Research (CIHR) — “Is depression in men overlooked?” — https://cihr-irsc.gc.ca/e/48856.html
- Statistics Canada — “Investigating disparities in mental health care service use among people with mood and anxiety disorders” (2022 Mental Health and Access to Care Survey) — https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/pub/82-003-x/2026001/article/00001-eng.htm
- College of Family Physicians of Canada — “Men and depression” — https://www.cfp.ca/content/57/2/153.full
- PubMed — “Anger attacks in depression: evidence for a male depressive syndrome” — https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16088268/
- Mayo Clinic — “Male depression: Understanding the issues” — https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/male-depression/art-20046216
- CMHA Toronto — “Men’s Mental Health” (citing Dr. Michael Myers, UBC) — https://cmhato.org/understanding-mental-health/mens-mental-health/